Wordle Sick

I’m standing at the register waiting to pick up a prescription at Walgreens, absorbing the hundreds of sight bites surrounding me. Signs promoting a myriad of products and devices. Placards advising how to place and pickup prescriptions. Packaging, poster, and banner content.

I’m in line for quite a while and gradually, almost subliminally, my boredom begins to filter certain words from the messaging miasma.

ADVIL…

ALEVE…

PATCH…

BINAX…

And god forbid, COVID.

So here I am, at least two hours removed from my most recent encounter with the puzzle, and my brain has gone into Wordle mode. Perhaps it never left that mode, but, in my mind, everything is becoming a potential first-word guess. And I find myself analyzing the merits of each word as a puzzle piece.

BAYER. Nah, Wordle wouldn’t use a brand name, would it? That would also exclude most of the previous examples.

COUGH. Ooh, yeah, this would be a good one with the diagraph (gh sounding like f).

ACHES. Another good one because the vowels are in uncommon positions.

SINUS. Yes! With the duplicate bookend letters, this could easily take five or six attempts to solve.

SLEEP. Possibly another good one with the double vowels, but it’s likely also a word on the tip of everyone’s tongue. Too easy. Skip.

HEALTH. C’mon, Kevin, too many letters.

But could you imagine a six-letter Wordle? Or seven? That might make my mornings pretty unproductive considering the extra time those would take to solve. Unless, there’s a way to monetize my Wordle prowess. Ooh, what about weekend Wordle tournaments where success is defined by the volume and efficiency of solutions? And what if that success was rewarded with, oh, I don’t know, some kind of virtual trophy, like a crown or a plaque? Even better, let’s make these rewards real with real NFTs going to the highest point earners.

I could build a virtual ego room with my collection of NFTs, then eventually go on to compete in all-star Wordle tournaments. And I thought the daily streak count was enough to motivate me to play! Could you imagine the stats from a long-term Wordle tourna…

I regain real-world consciousness as the pharmacist asks for my name and date of birth.

For the third time.

I reply, then I wonder…

BIRTH? Yep, that would be acceptable.

PHARM? Nah, it’s an abbreviation.

CRAZY? Definitely!